Wisdom From Mothers Before Us - Naomi

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us #WFMB-02

Name: Naomi Quijano       

 Age: 33

 Location: Los Alamitos, CA

 Number of children & ages:

Milo Bourbon Quijano age 7         

Luna Monroe Quijano age 2

Rhema Glory Quijano age 2 months

What are three things you value as a woman?

(1) Self-care (Sabbath) (2) Community (3) Vulnerability

How has the woman you were while single impacted who you are as a mother?

The woman I was while single was definitely independent and strong. As a mother, it has helped me to impart strength, independence and confidence in my children. I have an awareness to the vital attributes I want my kids to carry. Also, I realized when I was single just how selfish I was with my time, finances, and resources. My single season has assisted me in becoming aware of the importance of generosity.

How has your past family dynamic impacted who you are today?

I grew up with a very emotionally absent father and a mother who worked three jobs. One of the main reasons I fell in love with my husband was because of his emotional awareness and sensitivity. He has always been very present and protective. Both of our work ethics are strong and our children see that we both value hard work, family time, and structure. Growing up, I’ve always had a very close relationship with my mom and our family has always been involved.

What traditions did you experience growing up that you are passing on/ would like to pass on to your family?

Traditions I experienced were family dinners with conversations and no devices. Birthday cake and ice cream with all of our family no matter what age; and Church service together for Mothers day, Fathers day, Christmas and New Years. The traditions we passed on are family breakfasts on Saturdays and church together for weekends.

What was your career path before you were a mother? How has motherhood impacted/enhanced your career journey?

I was already in ministry at a very young age and motherhood has enhanced in me a capacity for compassion, understanding, and encouragement. I’ve seen just how diverse each child is and I am able to have a full understanding of perspective, teaching/learning, and insane multitasking.

What are some expectations you had about motherhood?

I had expected to open a new range of emotions, shifting perspectives, and a new level of understanding intimacy.

Knowing what you know now is there something you would have done differently to prepare for motherhood?

I would’ve asked more questions to older mothers and submerged myself in a mom community prior to having kids.

Share one way your community has impacted you while transitioning as a new mom?

They have supported me emotionally, physically and mentally. My mom community has championed me in every season of motherhood, helped impart wisdom and support, prayer and grace when I need it. They have been the anchor in my season of motherhood.

What makes you most fulfilled in your role as a mother?

When my child desires to spend time with me and have my undivided attention. I love the curiosity when kids ask me questions. The safety they feel when they show emotion or concern with me.

Your advice for women who are single/married without children would be?

If you’re single without children, connect yourself to a healthy community of women and moms if you desire children. Do not see your current season of singleness as lacking something. Take the time to grow in your spiritual disciplines. Savor your time, sleep, and see joy in the season of it just being you.

If you’re married without children establish your foundation of prayer with your spouse. Be sensitive to your spouses expectations of a life with kids. Ensure you know each others expectations of when you do have kids. See the season without kids as an investment in your future. Seek accountability and understand that emotional and mental health need to be a priority.

Photo Credit: Psalms Thirty Four

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us

Wisdom From Mothers Before Us- Angela #WFMBU-01

Name: Angela Barker   

 Age: 34

Location: City/ State/ Country : Anaheim, CA (USA)

Number of children & ages: One 3 year old & currently 5 months pregnant

 What are three things you value as a woman?

Authentic connection with others, knowing God and integrity

How has the woman you were before children or single impacted who you are as a mother?

Working with children most of my life as a single woman, has shaped me in many ways to see how important listening is and valuing kids of all ages. They are gifts and they bring a lot of joy in life. I try to slow down and experience my son’s voice and that joy everyday.

How has your past family dynamic impacted who you are today?

There is a healthy fear in the back of my mind to “not do what my parents did” in several ways. I’m sure many people experience this. When the negative aspects of my upbringing start to come out of me by default, I am disciplining myself to step back and assess. If I need an outside perspective, I will seek out others I admire for guidance. Perfectionism is probably the most difficult thing and that is hard for me to spot. God’s grace is my best teacher.

What traditions did you experience growing up that you are passing on/ would like to pass on to your family?

Healthy eating habits, eating together without electronics and just talking, playing as a family, reading at bedtime, going to church, emphasis on outdoor activities, gratefulness.

What was your career path before you were a mother? How has motherhood impacted/enhanced your career journey?

This is still a journey but I originally wanted to act on stage and be in film then I ventured more into teaching the arts to children. I’ve been able to direct after school programming as well. Now my focus has shifted and my first concern is raising my child and giving him my best. I am not clear on how career will play into it all but the pressure for women to be able to do “it all” is not something I champion. It is “enough” to raise a family and be an influence in my community. There is a time for everything and I believe my time is best spent with my kids right now as they are very young. TBD!

What are some expectations you had about motherhood?

Honestly, when I was single and just married, I really didn’t imagine motherhood much. I’ve always wanted kids, even to adopt, but I never really pictured what I would be like as a mom or how it would change my life. It was one of those mysteries to me.

Knowing what you know now is there something you would have done differently to prepare for motherhood?

Absolutely! Hindsight is 20/20 right? Better financial planning and career planning. For us, it was not that our son is so expensive to take care of because we were given SO much from friends and family. But we had added stress on our marriage because of preexisting financial challenges/differing points of view that made things all the more difficult. Defining roles better with my spouse and being clear on responsibilities when it comes to caring for the baby and chores around the house. It would have been helpful to know some of the pitfalls of new parents to curb the impact a bit. It’s going to be a major shift no matter what but like any big change, a little preparation can go a long way.

Share one way your community has impacted you while transitioning as a new mom?

Oh my goodness! Generosity and love of others is just remarkable. I have only purchased one outfit for my child and he is 3 now! Our church family, relatives and neighbors have embraced our son so wonderfully. Our neighborhood is mostly to themselves and it has been isolating in many regards. So there is this dichotomy. It is important to have community and reach out to people for help, even if it feels weird.

What makes you most fulfilled in your role as a mother?

Being able to serve and teach my kids. Also having that knowing that my children trust me to be there and to be on their side no matter what.

Your advice for women who are single/married without children would be?

Whatever you aspire to be or do, get around people that exemplify this for you. Be humble enough to ask lots of questions and enjoy the wow that is now! Put your trust in God. He really has always had my back, especially when hopes don’t line up with reality. I can’t stress that enough because Jesus has been my anchor and made me dream high.

Liberty Is Available

Liberty is available

The question isn’t whether you have access to it. Rather what choices will be made to honor the freedom’s available to you?

“Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

-2 Corinthians 2:17

MOTHER MAYBE - A Space For Single And Married Women Without Children

A place exists for those women who enter the role of motherhood. Community with arms open to receive another who has been chosen to carry life. The transition from navigating the path of one with specific ambitions and dreams is interrupted with the opportunity to change course, to accommodate another. This experience is often welcomed by women who hold the ability to shape and nurture those in their care.

What some consider common, the becoming of a mother is much more layered and involved. The intricacies of starting a family are numerous. The woman who begins this journey has great influence. There is beauty in becoming whole. In knowing how to prepare yourself for what’s to come. To surrender and yield to the unknown.

Far too long the season of motherhood has been simplified to embrace those with child. Questions surround those in waiting. The when’s and how’s and why’s. Some questions go unanswered. Many answers require time to unfold.

Single and married women without children, a new space has been created just for you.

MOTHER MAYBE. This is your community.

Many choices remain on the horizon. Each woman must decide for herself. What will you choose?

You Must Do The Thing You Think You Cannot Do

Do You See Her? Why Some Women Were Emotional On Mother’s Day

May is the month for global maternal mental health awareness.  It’s also the month many celebrate Mother’s Day. Some women were emotional while receiving gifts and being honored, not because they appreciate the recognition from others for doing a job well done, but rather they have deep insecurities, shame and guilt about how they feel they are performing in their role as a mother.  

Do you see her? Behind the smile and laughter is a woman who longs to be understood and heard.

Someone who wonders if the decisions made about balancing career and family are commendable. A person who questions if she’s good enough. A woman who has only so much to give and fears that she is losing herself in the process.

To those women transitioning and embracing the complexities of joy and pain, and the tension between highs and lows. To the one who sees black and grey while longing for hues of orange and yellow. Know this. Others before you have made it to the other side, they can take a step back and gaze at the artistry of a life transformed by the life another.

You are seen. You are heard.  Walk your path and embrace your journey.

God is with you now and always.

Why, my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.- Psalms 42: 11

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41: 10

Note: For those who want more information on baby blues, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety or other maternal mental health topics here are a few places to start.

Postpartum Support International (PSI) www.postpartum.net

Maternal Mental Health NOW www.maternalmentalhealthnow.org

Disclaimer: The above organizations are listed as a source of general information about maternal mental health and are not endorsed by Mother Maybe & Co.

Finding A Road Map To Community

Human connection is a basic need. Many women build networks to advance their career. Universities offer guidelines for professional development and pathways to success. Shared experiences are necessary. Research over the years has produced time frames for when a child should crawl, walk, and talk. These developmental milestones are known and familiar.

Expectations offer structure and a point of reference. There is safety here. So, where is the road map to the place of belonging? Community. All of us need it, mothers especially.

The relational connections that surround us, will be a well to draw from in times of need. A common misconception when building community is that similarities prevail. On the contrary, diverse experiences offer a richness worth discovering.

While reflecting on the depth and quality of relationships many ask the question, “Can I trust them with my life?” Perhaps the question should be, “Can I entrust their life to my child?”

For community, there doesn’t seem to be a road map, just moments of faith expressed in time. People learning, growing and connecting. Embracing the simplicity of what it means to be human and fully alive.

Advocating For The Unborn: Why Paid Family Leave Policies Matter For The U.S.

On Wednesday, May 8th paid family leave will be at the fore front in Washington, D.C. when the House Ways & Means Committee holds a hearing on paid family leave.  The United States is the only industrialized country that doesn’t guarantee its citizens Paid Family Leave. Things differ by state, California for example provides up to 6 weeks of partial pay to employees who take time off from work to care for a seriously ill family member or to bond with a new child.

New mothers are often faced with the decision to either bond with their children or go back to work during a critical time of development for the newborn and immense transition for the family. Most households require two incomes to offset the cost of living, further complicating matters.  As a result, many new families are negatively impacted and experience stressors that paid family leave policies can mitigate.

The concept of paid family leave has garnered attention globally. Let’s think about the unborn. The decisions made today will impact those of tomorrow. Children deserve the opportunity to thrive and parents need support in the form of national policies.

One Unique Way To Celebrate Mother's Day: "My 20 Lessons"

This Sunday people will gather around to celebrate Mother’s Day. Many meals will be shared, gifts given, and time spent to honor women who’ve given of themselves beyond measure. One way to express gratitude to another is by showing how their life impacted your own.

These sentiments are traditionally expressed with words carefully ascribed on cards surrounded by beautiful design. Endearing as this may be, people know they matter most, when they are aware of how they directly influence you. Here is one creative way to communicate the depths of your soul.

My 20 Lessons

Step 1:

Write down twenty different lessons you learned from your mother throughout different stages of your life. Begin with lessons learned from childhood, adolescence, young adulthood and so on.

Step 2:

Purchase twenty cards that are blank inside and write one lesson in each one. Put each card in an envelope and on each envelope write Day 1, Day 2, Day 3 etc.  in the order of the lessons learned from childhood through adulthood.

Step 3:

Place all of the cards (enclosed in an envelope) in a box with instructions for opening the gift over the next 20 days.

Example Instructions: “Mom this is my gift to you: My 20 lessons. Please open the first card with the envelope entitled “Day 1” on Mother’s Day, May 12th. The second card on Monday May 13th and on each day open only one card until you’ve opened all twenty!”

My 20 lessons as a gift should provoke great conversation, reflection, and laughter for days to come. Make wonderful memories and if tears are involved so be it!